Leaving Someone You Love in the Hands of God (Part 2)

I married Iynee before reaching 26 and she before reaching 24. We were 1st year engineeering students when we became a couple. She was my first girlfriend, first and only love. We married in September 1984. I thank God for her as without her, I would not have become a better person, father and husband, and of course after much "suffering", realisation and acceptance of the reason on why God had sent her to be my partner in life. On whether I am a better son, I need to ask my mom, who happens to be suffering from dementia. I loved to joke with my mom, who was very strict with me as a young, naughty boy. In fact, my dad was equally strict but I was still my dad as well as my mom's favourite child when young, maybe no more now, with dad gone and mom staying with my single elder sister.

We had Sarah after 5 years of marriage, and exactly 12 months later, we had Samantha. We always felt a child would be lonely without a sibling, so we planned to have at least 2 children, and the speed at which we had Samantha was due to the government tax reliefs for women having children before the "young" age of 31. We only had 2 children as we did not and still do not have any domestic help, till today. We felt that it was "not right" to have more children if we cannot provide quality care for them. Two pairs of big hands could only care after two pairs of small hands, that was my reason and justification for having 2 children.

When Sarah and Samantha were young children, we were not very "kiasu" parents as we did not really follow or diligently coached them in their studies. Of course, they were brought to swimming, ballet, art, speech and drama, etc. classes, more so with Iynee's "initiative" for an "actively filled childhood" and not let them missed out on such opportunities when we could afford them for our children. We ourselves had never had such an "actively filled childhood" when we were children many years ago. I was more pleased to or rather preferred to assume my role as the "supportive" father and also the driver to the destinations for all these CCAs. My life was very much "dedicated and given" to meet my family's needs and demands, for the 3 ladies in my life. No regrets.

After reaching 10 years old, we noticed that Sarah was not "motivated" by the local education system, the competitive system here and had this tendency to do only what she really liked to do. She also has a strong and stubborn character, good and bad - looking from different perspectives. I called it "rebelling against the education system and our Singapore way of life". Despite all these traits of hers, Sarah can be said to be a very matured girl for her age. She was a very easy child to look after; a main reason why we had Samantha one year immediatelyafter Sarah.

As I said before, I have never given up the desire for an overseas education. Already in her early secondary school days, we felt that Sarah would "do better" in her studies and possibly later on in her life, if she goes for an overseas education. Our planning for the possibility of overseas education for Sarah and also Samantha started. We would go to fairs by IDP Singapore and other organizers at Suntec City, etc. Sarah knew very early of this possibility of being sent abroad for her tertiary education. We had also discussed and confirmed on this possibility with her right till the day she left Singapore for Australia, to Perth at the end of it.

Sarah did not do well for her "O" level preliminary exams and was posted to Millenia Institute at the start of 2006. (Her actual "O" level results later would have qualified her for CJC or SAJC). Sensing that she was also not too happy with being posted to a 3-year Pre-University program for her "A" level study, the decision to send her to Australia was reached. As with many parents, if we could delay sending our loved ones away from us, we would happily do so even if we could afford for their overseas education. The heartache of separation between parents and their child and the worries that came with the separation are some things not simply and easily bearable, cannot be ignored or pretended not to be there. It is better for us to stare at such a situation directly in our faces, quickly learn to accept reality and make a final decision for the "good" of our loved ones, a decision never to be looked back and regretted once made. If parents could plan for possibility of sending their children away for an overseas education earlier, it would help to relief some of these pains. As a planner in my career previously and also by my nature, I was prepared for this reality to happen one day. So, was Iynee. Time can always be a good preparer or healer to us.

I will continue in Part 3 to share on the process we went through sending Sarah over to Perth, our memorable experiences last year and how we dealt and manage our separation with Sarah, and then with Samantha. It is never easy to send a loved one away from us, unless we place our trust totally on God.