Leaving Someone You Love in the Hands of God (Part 1)

There are only a few situations, periods or times in our lives when we really and hopelessly have no choice but to leave a loved one in the hands of God. Two of these situations are when a loved one is suffering from terminal illness or when a child is studying or going to study overseas. I happened to be that child (son) and now that parent in these two or two-in-one situations.

I remembered the time when I was approaching 21 years of age, RODing from NS soon, when my pa was on his death bed suffering from terminal liver cancer. Many in my group of close friends were then preparing to go to England to pursue their undergraduate studies. Though very far away and unlike today when modern instantaneous communications are readily available at our finger tips, England then was THE CHOICE place for overseas education, before far USA and later nearby Australia became the other preferred destinations for overseas education.

In our bungalow and in a special room for my terminally ill pa, sitting next to pa who was lying on a specially purchased hospital bed one day, I told him of my desire to follow my friends overseas for my undergraduate study. Being young, we somehow "have no fear" of the unknown that we are getting into. Still is today for the young people. Then, Pa consoled me by encouraging me to give a shot first at NUS, and if I could not make it, I could join my friends in England. Looking back, I realised how selfish, inhuman, insensitive and ungrateful I was to pa during those moments when he had only a few months more to live, need his loved ones most, and I kicking alive and with many years ahead of me was just insensitively thinking of my own desire and needs.

Being a young adult brought up in a very comfortable, secured environment, we will never understand the pains of a parent, especially even one who is on his death bed. This we called youthful behaviour. That day in December 1979 when my pa died at 51 years of age, I had more than a month ago just turned an adult at 21 years old. That day, I came home from my engineering course after 4.00pm and found the home all patched up with newspaper. I was not a Christian then and I sort of knew something bad had happened. That morning and like any mornings, I had said goodbye to pa before I took a bus to NUS at Kent Ridge. I did not cry at first sight of finding him dead. But just after 10.00pm, reality sunk in hard and I wailed and wailed uncontrollably at the loss of pa. Yes, reality had sunk in and the next 10 years of my life was a "great" learning time for the last 20 years of life when I did not learnt much. And my life continued on to be a long learning experience to be a good husband, a good boss, a good son, a good parent and a good Christian. Whether I have succeeded in all these roles will be measured and attested to by people at the receiving end. I would not know less those who have been touched by me said so.

My desire for an overseas education actually did not disappear in that while working at NUS, I often felt that a young Singapore teenager or adult will have benefit much more and wholesomely from an overseas education experience, albeit a big hole in a parent's pocket. This is what I defined an investment in a person's life with long term effects and impact. Some things in life including love and forgiveness cannot be simply measured tangibly. They can only be felt in our hearts and in our minds, many times through tears, joy and laughter.

Tomorrow , I shall share on why I encouraged my two daughters to go for their overseas education in Perth, and why Iynee and I simply had no choice but to leave them in the hands of God and trust Him to look after them for us while they are in Perth. This was my very first experience committing something very close to my heart and in my life, totally to God - easy said than done. My second experience is of course my present situation, in choosing to move on to something I felt I like to do, after having worked for NUS for 23 years and 8 months; the days ahead will be a test of my faith in God as He "makes me to lie down in green pastures".